#10th-clint

'm going to drop these voice confessionals instead because they're easier to kind of put out there.

 vote has been a headache and a half. And to be honest, I'm not really having fun playing this game anymore. I mean, it was, as soon as I lost to Andrew, I just thought, yeah, it's over.

 don't know I feel like I can't trust a word Out of anybody's mouth I was so paranoid I didn't even trust Jack for a moment there I thought he was a traitor too

 now I'm hearing that the, you know, CEO came to me and he, he, he kind of had this whole plan to get rid of Fuggles. And at first I was like, yeah, I'm down to do that. Of course. And I still am. But the problem is that, that I just don't, I don't know if we got the people for that because I don't trust Ryan no more. I don't trust that he's a hundred percent with me. He hasn't convinced me that he's a hundred percent with me.

 I keep thinking to myself, how the hell can I trust a word out of any of these people's mouths? What am I supposed to do? I think Fuggles may sincerely want to work with me long term. I think he wants to survive this vote. He wants to get rid of Theo, because Theo's the main guy driving his name. So now I'm hearing from Ricky, that it ain't even true that, you know, that Theo's double-crossing me and he's playing both sides and yada, yada, yada, but I don't even know, you know, how the hell can I trust Ricky when he tells me that I'd be stupid to fall for his crap again? Why the hell would I believe him? And he's like, you know, you don't have to trust me, but I don't have any intention, you know? Like, of course you'd say that. You just double-crossed me. You didn't tell me that you were planning on voting Andrew. You didn't. You led me into a trap, and I fell for it. And you know what? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So, yeah, I'd be real stupid to fall for Ricky's crap again.

, you know what? If Ricky's telling the truth, then Theo's going tonight. And, you know, that would suck, but that would be better than the alternative, which is me or Jack or Sammy going home. Now, the problem is that once Theo's gone, I just don't really know what the hell I'm going to do. You know, Jim might be willing to vote Ricky out, but I don't know who else would. I know Fuggles ain't exactly a loyal soldier to me. He's not going to, he's not going to, he's a hard guy to read. He doesn't, he doesn't play ball by the same logic that I do. That's for sure. I have a harder time reading him and his intentions than I have, you know, with, with Sammy and Jack and some of the other guys, even Ricky, I feel like I get, I kind of read him now. I kind of get his, his whole angle. You know, he, he thinks he's smarter than everybody. He thinks he, he's got one up on me. And maybe he does. Maybe he is better at playing this game than I am. You know, I'm not exactly, not exactly, you know, I'm not exactly, you know, a genius or anything. But I'm not stupid. Not a total moron, at least. Yeah.

 feels like everyone is trying to mess with my head. They're all just taking turns, you know, punching my skull. And it's a terrible feeling, but at the same time, I'm so desensitized at this point that I'm just like, hell, if they're going to vote me out, I hope they just get it over with already because I am so frigging sick of this game. and the bullshit that people are spewing back and forth, and who do I trust, and what do I tell who, and how do I manage this whole current of information, and it's just exhausting, so I'm hoping after tonight, things get a little bit more clear, I don't care what happens, I'm voting Fuggles, I'm keeping my vote where it was, if I'm in the minority, fuck it, I probably will be, this plan ain't going to work, it's too good to be true, but yeah I think I think I'm screwed let's let's just try to relax until I get screwed over I mean if I make it to wherever I'll be happy at this point I'm just I'm just so tired of this nonsense

 know, Fuggles, he came to me with this pretty honest conversation last night. It was a good one. I always enjoy talking to Fuggles because he's a good talker. That's the thing with Fuggles. It's just talk. You know, we don't really materialize into nothing. And so when he comes to me and he says, you know, I want to work together. I don't know what's going to happen. And I told him, honestly, man, I'm voting for you because I don't really see myself myself having much of a choice. Now he's coming to me all concerned. He's saying, you know, Jam and Theo, they're together. They're on the wagon. They're against me. I'm supposed to feel bad, man. I ain't got a choice. I'm on the bottom here. I got to fight for my damn life.

, I can't tell you how happy I am after that vote. I'm giddy, honestly, because this proves to me that I made the right decision with my alliances. And I cut out someone who had betrayed me multiple times. And I guess I think she just thought she could get away with it because she thought, you know, Clint's always going to want to work with me. He needs me to stay in this game, blah, blah, blah. But no, I turned the tables on her. You know, people underestimate me at their own peril is what it is.

 now, you know, she's sitting on the jury and, you know, I got a pissed off Jim and Theo to worry about, but here's the thing. Um, they need me now. Yeah. You know, the, the tables are turning and I, I'm not trying to be Machiavellian or nothing. I just, I feel like it's nice to finally have some more power in this game. You know, I, I once I went so long without it that now I'm like, it's kind of nice. It's kind of nice to be in a good position again.

 the end of the day, it just kind of comes down to who I feel deserves to be here. I didn't feel Ricky deserved to be here after he snaked me. I don't feel Marissa deserves to be here. And the way she's acting, well, I don't think Jem deserves to be here neither. But I understand where she's coming from. She's upset. She got left out. Fuggles is acting like a bit of a jerk. So I certainly get her anger. I just think, you know, she's lying if she says she wouldn't have told Marissa about this vote if I had told her. She's full of crap.

 the thing is, I trust Fuggles to a certain degree. I trust him more than I trusted Marissa, certainly. And I also think I'm okay with a little conflict around camp if it means I get to keep around the people that I actually like in this game. And I do like Jim. I do like Theo. I like pretty much everyone except for Star at this point. So if I can get rid of Star, that would be magnificent.

, I think my best move at this point is to just keep, you know, kind of trucking along, staying true to my word and just being, you know, this, the honorable guy that I, that I am, you know, because right now all I have is my word. That's all I've ever had. And it's worked out for me because I don't think Fuggles and Void would have trusted me if I hadn't, you know, put my money where my mouth was and stuck to my guns when I did, you know, I, I was as honest as I could be at the very least.

 it looks like this season is being rigged for Star. Because obviously, I'm sorry, I'm panting right now because I just got back from a run. Obviously, skill or dedication or how much thought you put into it don't matter at all. As long as you put in the most popular song, you're guaranteed to win. So why even bother trying anymore? We might as well just give this whole season a star. I don't see the point. Let's call it right here. Wrap it up.

 know, of course, of course, this garbage happens. Of course, it happens to me. Of course, the person I've been gunning for just happens to crawl out of the garbage heap every single goddamn time. I'll be honest, I'm starting to get a little bit sick of it.

 me answer these questions. How do you feel about your position in this game right now? Are you on a specific side or play in the middle? Do you have a particular power ranking? I think I'm pretty much on the bottom, as was evidenced by the touchy subjects. Pretty clearly, just nobody likes me, or at least they don't want me around. They're using me as a scapegoat. I think they do like me. I think if I made it to the end, I might stand a good shot at winning. But right now, I ain't doing too good. And to be honest, I'm pretty confident that I'm going home next. unless Ryan comes through, which, you know, I have a hard time trusting Ryan lately. I've always been a little wary of him. I hate to say it, but that's how it is. So, yeah, I think I'd fall pretty much on the bottom. I'd be pretty much, me and Theo, I think, really just on the bottom for different reasons and in slightly different positions. But, yeah, it's me and him, I would say.

 think Ricky would vote for me, possibly. I think Jack would definitely vote for me. I think Marissa and Jim might be a little of a tougher sell, but I think I could get them to vote for me. As for the rest, I don't know. I guess I'll see when I get there. I'm not even thinking about the final trouble at all. I'm just thinking about vote by vote. That's all I could do. Once Andrew went home, it's been a battle. It has been a battle every single round. and uh tell you the truth uh i can't i can't see myself winning this battle i mean it's just it's one battle after another you know i don't know what to do but i'll keep fighting do whatever i can do just keep playing honest keep being as truthful as i can be but every day the game tests me a little bit more every day i find my faith slipping it's more and more down the crack down the chute.

 am recording these a little bit after this touchy subjects challenge occurred. So I will say I don't think it changed really much of anything. I think it mostly exposed that Star is a low-life piece of shit. Not to mince words. Who deserves to go home. But unfortunately, the game of Survivor does not work on a moral framework. so unfortunately Star is not going to go home probably not if Star does go home I would be so happy even if I'm not included in that I would jump for joy but I don't think it's going to happen I think I'm going to go home I think it exposed that I am definitely on the bottom that's what it 100% exposed

 know, the pre-merge wasn't too bad for me. So my journey this game for a long time was pretty simple. I had people that I liked. I had to get rid of the people outside of my circle. And then everything changed with Andrew going home. That totally shattered my perspective on this game. It totally made me reevaluate where I stood. It just made me doubt everything. I thought I could trust people, you know, with my eyes closed, really, because that's how I've been brought up. That's what I do. It's the kind of person I am. I just, I don't, I don't play games with people. You know, it's not in my nature. I don't like to, you know, I don't like to bicker. I don't like to square off. It just ain't something I enjoy doing, but God damn it. After that, I just had to, I had to go after people. I had to, you know, I had to slice people on the back. I had to do all kinds of shit just to, just to keep myself around, keep my, my alliances sort of intact wherever they may be. I mean, it's just been brutal for me. Really, it's been, I can't even quite put into words. I just, honestly, if I went home, I wouldn't even be necessarily too disappointed. Just because it would mean less of this. But I'm a competitor at the same time. So in the back of my mind, I'm always just praying for one more day. Just one more day. One more day to work my magic. One more day to come out on top. if I'm still here on day 39, oh my goodness, that would be a day. That would be the day. I don't think it'll happen given that I ain't won a single immunity challenge so far, but I would love it. Thank you.